Last time I posted, Eric had just died. I had the intention of memorializing him through posts on this blog. Unsurprisingly, this impulse didn’t carry through into consistent action, much like … every other time I have the intention of keeping the blog up to date. Maybe this one is even more understandable than the usual reasons. Right after Eric died, I had trouble remembering any positive experiences with him at all. This was, of course, bullshit. This was my mind trying to protect myself from the enormity of the loss by minimizing it. But it did lead to a frantic urge to document our good experiences. And also a failure to be able to produce them for this blog. The best parts of a relationship may be fleeting moments and feelings that are profound to you, but don’t sound like much when you put them on a page. In any case, I was too emotionally destroyed to communicate properly.
So I want to bump that post off the top of the page. Maybe I’ll post about my amazing and busy life with my boyfriend. Maybe I’ll post about my realization that my friends are amazing. Maybe I’ll post about my weight lifting journey. Maybe I’ll post about how, since Eric died, I have been shedding layers of ego and learning to recognize what I really want, rather than what I think I should be doing. Maybe I’ll post about Eric and about the grief process. Most likely, I won’t keep it up. Sorry about that.
If you knew Eric/Gos , you might like to visit http://www.ericdanforthmudama.org/ or http://www.gospadinperoda.org/ (same site).