I have a friend who’s basically my one-man sangha – that is, my community of fellow travelers on a path of spiritual and emotional enlightenment consists of, well, him. And that’s cool. One thing that we talk about a lot is gratitude. I think gratitude actually comes pretty easily to me. I look around at the world and I see beauty everywhere. Does gratefulness require an indirect object? I feel gratitude without a sense of being grateful to a particular person or thing. To the universe, I guess. It feels like cheating, sort of. Too easy. My life has been Read More
I thought maybe this is the year it was going to happen. I wasn’t even going to follow the real rules. I was just going to post a meaningful blog or a book review consisting of more than a sentence or two every day. But then work happened. It’s some screwed up lesson, I think. I was on my high horse telling Eric that he needs to take better care of himself, that he shouldn’t work so much, and that surely there are other people at his office who can take up some of the slack. Is it coincidence that Read More
After yoga, I feel a quality of stillness in my body and my mind. It’s almost a dreamlike state, and yet, I seem more aware of my surroundings than usual – the hum of my computer’s fan; the sound of a dog sighing in the hallway. I feel like I am absorbing energy from the sunlight touching my skin. I feel at peace. Every movement feels deliberate and unrushed. I feel content but not overfull; at peace with a quiet sort of joy.
This is why I do yoga.
I have one more week left in my vacation, which started with a trip to Utah to visit family and explore the trails, and which is now in the “stay at home, get some stuff done, and just relax” portion. Except of course for the whole flood thing. I adored visiting my family in Utah, exploring the trails in Logan, and exploring yoga studios near Park City. But once the flooding started in Boulder … well, I don’t know if it was that, or if it was just that I’d been away from my husband so long, but I just Read More
“When you believe … that you are damaged at your core, you also believe that you need to hide that damage for anyone to love you. You walk around ashamed of being yourself. You try hard to make up for the way you look, walk, feel. Decisions are agonizing because if you, the person who makes the decision, is damaged, then how can you trust what you decide? You doubt your own impulses so you become masterful at looking outside yourself for comfort. You become an expert at finding experts and programs, at striving and trying hard and then harder Read More
I was fretting about writing a blog post, but this email to my aunt pretty much sums it up. It sounds like Grandma’s iPad may have vanished. I am really bummed that we can’t email her directly. I hope it turns up someplace unexpected. Please give Grandma my love. I’m in Park City. Yesterday I rode my mountain bike at the Canyons all day. I met a nice man from Minnesota, and we rode together, which is safer and also more fun than being out there on the trail by yourself. Today, I thought about riding, but honestly I’m ready Read More
I am just bubbling over with excitement. Tomorrow is my last day of work before a three week vacation. I haven’t had this much time away from work in – well, since I was laid off eight years ago, and that didn’t exactly feel like a vacation. On Saturday, the bikes go on the car and I head out to Utah, first to visit my grandmother, then to ride my bike. No solid plans, although I’d like to hit up the Canyons lift-serviced trails while I’m there. Other options include XC trail riding, hiking, yoga – I’ll even bring my Read More
One of my favorite things about a long weekend is that I can use the first day of the weekend to unwind, and I still have two full days to do fun, exciting stuff and arrive back at work not just rested, but also rejuvenated. To be honest, it doesn’t always work out – but it’s pretty fantastic when everything comes together. This Labor Day weekend was one of those times. I was able to take it easy on Saturday, then get in two days of downhill mountain biking – one solo day at Keystone, and one day with my Read More
I had a blog up here before. I rarely posted to it. Then one day, I went to it and found it had been replaced with the dreaded Internal Server Error. Okay, maybe I should update my blog software more often. I dreaded the slog of converting all my old posts up to a new format. And then I realized, hey, I don’t have to. It’s a fresh start; a blank canvas. I can pretend I never wrote all that stuff when I was so young, immature, self-centered and banal (ie, six months ago). So, here it is. Default theme Read More